Child Abuse
Child abuse is prevalent in our communities, yet it goes by largely unspoken of because of the stigma and shame associated with it, this creating a culture of secrecy that burdens the child abuse victim further and leading them to carry the weight of their past around with them without ever realizing it. If you really want to be happy, healthy and live your best life possible, the first step is to take a deep breath and find the courage to deal with your history of child abuse.
It is important to understand that all of our experiences as children become the blueprint of our adult selves. Happy, healthy, supportive and loving environments will foster happy, healthy, supportive and loving children who will become happy, healthy, supportive and loving adults, but bring child abuse into the picture and no matter if it was a one-off incidence or a repeated offense and regardless of how insignificant it seems to you now, as an adult, when experienced as a young and vulnerable child, causes our then developing minds to form ’self protection tendencies and beliefs’. These self protection tendencies / beliefs stay with us through life, and while they were effective as children to minimize the pain and discomfort of the event, will eventually transmute into dysfunction and discord as adults, sabotaging relationships, self esteem and ultimately become a detriment to our happiness. Nobody escapes child abuse unharmed.
Adults with a history of child abuse are more likely to have anxiety disorders, depression, eating disorders, insomnia, panic attics, substance abuse issues, obesity or a myriad of other aches and pains including thoughts of suicide and depression. Many move on to be involved with an abusive partner, and more horrifically, many go on to abuse their own or others children, continuing the cycle of abuse unaware.
Child abuse in the form of verbal, physical and sexual abuse are the most obvious, but there are many more situations that cause us to live in unhealthy environments and that cause general suffering when young : repressive parents, drug addiction within the family, troubled siblings, neglect, abandonment…the list goes on!
Sometimes the suffering was so traumatic that we live in absolute denial that anything happened and we mentally block out the memories, to varies degrees of success; sometimes the incident / experience seems so irrelevant as adults that it is difficult to make the connection between past and present (from suffering as a child to later developing a drug addiction for instance), perhaps you came from a “good” family – parents that loved you and provided to the best of their abilities for you, so you immediately disassociate and dismiss the experience as trivial, therefore failing to see the connection, but the connections are most definitely there.
Dealing with your history of child abuse is one of the most important steps to creating a happy and fulfilled life, and probably the most courageous and difficult too. But how?
1. ACKNOWLEDGMENT
First of all you need to start being honest with yourself and acknowledge what happened. No more running away and hiding – start talking about it! You will probably feel uncomfortable doing this, but it is absolutely necessary. Speaking to a trained therapist is strongly recommended if possible, but a good friend, or even a stranger will do. In the process of sharing you release the burden you have been carrying and finally acknowledge and bring awareness to your child abuse experience. Do not be tempted to skip over the finer details – remember everything. You may find this very distressing and embarrassing, but know that how you are feeling is perfectly natural. Be strong, keep pushing through those feelings and keep going – keep talking!
2. UNDERSTANDING
Next you need to start the process of understanding. Understand how the experience has effected your life. Again, a trained therapist is best to help you with this, otherwise there is a wealth of information available on the internet, including support groups and forums to help you learn and understand the effects of child abuse / trauma. Knowledge is absolute power. By the end of this step you will be able to connect your past to your present self, and in doing so, you will be able to identify within yourself the dysfunctional behaviors born from the self protecting tendencies and beliefs you developed as a result of your child abuse.
3. ACCEPT AND EMBRACE
The third step is to finally accept and embrace your past. There is nothing you can do to change what happened and through this process of dealing with your history of child abuse, you are probably a much wiser and compassionate person now. What you have done is not easy – you should be proud of yourself. You are no longer running away from your history of child abuse. The only thing left to do is just accept and embrace your history as being part of your unique journey. Be at peace now – you’re safe. Forgive yourself and forgive others, let that hurt child within you lay to rest, let go of the past and let go of all those self sabotaging tendencies inherited from your child-self too. Find strength in the knowledge that you are a survivor, no longer at the mercy of your child abuse, you can start the process of healing now and know that you are on the right path to being a truly happy and healthy adult capable of absolute loving and supportive relationships and living your best life.
Do not underestimate the transformational power this process will have in your life and do not be fooled – this is not an overnight process. Be respectful and thoughtful to your needs and take your time.
Even if you are not ready to confront your past right now, know that when the time is right, you will – the seed has been planted in your mind. And when you do, know that there is a tremendous amount of support available to you either through your own community, online and through us, Ultimate Lifestyle Project, who have counselors on the team who will be happy to counsel you through this, absolutely free of charge. Just contact us for more information.
Good luck!
What is your view on this? Share your thoughts and experiences below in the comments section.
If you are interested in Free Life Coaching, then please feel free to contact me, I will be delighted to support and encourage you to follow your heart and start to live your best life now.
If you enjoyed this article, then please consider sponsoring us with a donation. Thank you!
“The purpose of the life is to experience and be happy”
Welcome back. Thanks for visiting!
Thank you for this article. It really struck a chord with me. After years of knowing something was wrong and living in fear of not being able to identify exactly what it is. I have finally come to terms with my past. My childhood was severely affected by lack of love and support which led to years of neglect and loneliness. A basic need for a child is to be loved unconditionally. I have been ashamed to admit how unhappy I have been. As from the outside everything looked fine. I would appear to be making it up. Things really are not what they seem sometimes. Keeping up a pretence does nothing but make the situation worse in the end. You can only run so far before you bump into your self again. I chose to run for years and now I have found myself back in a situation I desperately did my best to escape. I have only just begun to be able to deal with things and admit how I am feeling. It took a great deal of courage to move to the other side and be aware that everybody deserves to be loved. The simplest things are often the most hard to acknowledge, guilt and blame are factors I felt that held me back and stopped me from dealing with it before. I thought I had to suffer in order to survive. Life is hard is what I was told…just get on with it. I know there is so much more to life than that. I want to share love and happiness wherever I go. I don’t want any one else to feel as though they have to cope alone. The best moments in my life have been when I put my thoughts on hold and just be. When you have no fear you are able to do anything you want to and the most important thing is to love and be happy… I’m glad to say I’m on my way…
Hi Lauren
Thanks so much sharing.
You’re absolutely right, all a child needs is unconditional love, so I’m really sorry to hear about your neglectful and lonely childhood – you didn’t deserve that – nobody does.
It does take a lot of courage to deal with your past, so you should be proud of yourself. Just take it one day at a time.
Speaking really helps to process it and to deal with it once and for all so you can look forward to a bright and happy future. If you want someone to speak with, please do not hestitate to get in touch with me (lara at ultimatelifestyleproject.com). I’m not a professional, but can relate through my own experiences.
Regardless, good luck on your journey Lauren – you are moving in the right direction.
Peace and much love
Lara
Many thanks for finding the time to mention this, I highly about this as well as really enjoy reading more on this content. If possible, while you gain knowledge, can you allow me updating your weblog with extra tips? It is most good for us.